The process.

We have completed pre-training classes! This is truly an accomplishment, there are 8 four hour classes, that cover a lot of information. I would say that 75% of the information covered is scary, and heartbreaking while the other 25% is inspiring, I would also say 100% of it is need to remember, its a good thing Ben and I both were required to take the class or I would probably have to retake it! 

Now that classes are over we wait for our licensure to schedule a home study where they learn as much about us as possible, they will scurry through our house and make sure its a safe environment for children and try to learn our personalities so they can find a child that will fit in our home. This is probably the most important guest I have ever had in my home, not to mention the most nerve racking interview. 

After our home study our names and the information from our licensure go to a board of review, where they will ultimately decide if we are fit to be parents. Once approved we will be considered for placement. 

We really have no idea when we will have placement after that, we hope the spirit can be with or resource family consultant and the children's caseworker to help them place the right children in our home. 

We are looking at at least a month out before we even begin being considered for placement, it then could be another week to years before we get a call, it's truly unknown. Once we get called it seems like we have a couple hours to make the decision whether or not we can take the placement. That is why I am beginning to gather as many things as I can so that the transition can be as smooth as possible. 

People have asked if we are having a baby shower, we are not. The states goal is first and foremost reunification to parents, this however does not always happen, when it doesn't happen they look to kin (family) to adopt, if that is not an option the next choice would be the child's foster parents, We are praying that one day through this process we can have an adoption and a child that is legally our child, when that will happen we have no idea. We also do not have any clue the age or gender of the child coming into our home. We will let our family know when we get placement. 

We are very excited and also very nervous. The unknown drives me crazy, however I am being patient because I know that whatever is suppose to happen will happen. I just need to have faith in God that everything will happen the way they are suppose to happen. 

Hope

As some of you know Ben and I have struggled with infertility for over 3 years. 
We hadn't intended trying to have kids so early in our marriage, in fact I remember telling someone at my bridal shower that we wouldn't even talk about kids until we had been married 5 years. The Lord had different intentions for my plan. Around Valentines day in 2011 we went to the Logan temple, after we came out of the temple Ben and I both gave the we need to talk look to one another, we began discussing the prompting we each felt individually in the temple to start a family, and to start immediatly. Unsure but faithful we began "not trying to not" (those of you have tried to have a baby know this stage)

 I was sure because of the strong feelings I had felt we would be pregnant and ready to announce by Mothers Day, we weren't, next I thought it'll happen by the fourth of July, nope, maybe halloween? Didn't happen. (I guess I need to explain the holiday reference, I have always wanted to announce pregnancy on a holiday, with a cute gift/diddy I thought that would make it fun and memoriable)
Holiday after holiday passed and still nothing. I began to think well our timing is off lets begin the "trying stage" so right after our 2nd anniversary we began "trying" timing, testing, tempaturing etc. 3 years later, 5 false alarms, one chemical preganncy and still no baby. 

For those of you who haven't experienced infertility, it is a mind game.After a few months of trying, and testing you really start to lose hope, you think something is wrong with you you aren't doing it right, maybe you aren't meant to have kids, maybe you aren't meant to have kids with your partner, maybe you made the wrong choice from "I do" and this is God's punishment, maybe you'll be a bad Mom, the negative thoughts and feelings only continue to get louder as time goes by. You begin reading every blog and story of people it happened for or who got negative results but were still pregnant anyway, you start believing that could be you. 

Then comes the sadness, the comparison, the JEALOUSY. I can't tell you how many nights I've cried, or how many times I left a party in tears because my friends all had babies and I don't so there must be something wrong with me. Or I'd say "why do they get a kid and I don't?" I had to turn off my facebook because It felt like every person I knew was pregnant, or just had a baby. One day just to torchure myself (I guess) I counted, I had 36 facebook friends who in the past year had either had a baby or announced they were pregnant (no kidding) I'm pretty sure if I recounted that number has gone up. There are days because of social media I feel like a black sheep in a field of white stallions. 

When my best friend came to tell me she was pregnant she cried with me because she knew how bad I wished it was me, she knew how much I wish I could have what she was having, she was so afraid to hurt me that she didn't enjoy telling her best friend the most exciting news in the world... thats's the crappy stuff infertility does. 

Just a little note if you are going through infertility remember feeling mad, crying, jealousy, questioning yourself are natural things, I literally thought I was a crazy person before I started reading blogs and researching the feelings associated with infertility. 

I compared infertility to the grieving process, ever month you lose the idea of a family, the chance to hold your child in your arms, and then you are expected to pick up and try again the next month, just to feel the same hopelessness over again. I read an article recently that said it's exhausting hanging on to hope, and thats true.

So after years of prayer, sorrow and hope Ben and I decided to try a new avenue of having children and open our home to children who need a safe place, with loving parents. Are we giving up on having children? No, after the pain I've felt with infertility I don't know that I will ever close that door, I still want to experience pregnancy, and giving birth, having a child that is part of me and the person I love but I don't want it to be my focus. I know that Ben and I have the ability to love any person with all our hearts and call them our own.

The journey of adoption through foster care is not easy, I've been told this many times, I know that children who have been through the things these children have been through don't come easy, hopefully my training and years as a counselor will help us help them cope. 

We are very excited and very nervous for this next stage, we would like to hear peoples stories on adoption and things that were successful for them and things that were not we may not use your suggestion, but we are open to hearing them. We also welcome all prayers, to give us strength through this hard road. 

Going back to that day in Logan, I still don't know why the Lord asked us to begin this journey years ago, but I am going to continue to have faith that God has a plan for me and Ben, and he will bless us if we listen to his promptings. We love God and are grateful for the trials we have had because through all those questions, and doubts Ben and I grew stronger, and continue to grow stronger as individulas and as a couple, I am so blessed to have Ben in my life to go through this with me as a team. I am also so grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ, he has calmed my mind and reminded me that those doubts aren't from him that God has a plan for me, and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ I can feel peace and more importantly I can feel hope.    

I've began praying for my future children, that they may feel God's love and that they may hang onto hope, just like Ben and I have had to hang onto hope these past few years. 

Romans 12:12; Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer

4 years.

We just celebrated our fourth anniversary! I can't believe how time flies. This year we have had so many great adventures! I am so grateful to have Ben as a husband. He is a good husband who treats me like a Queen. I am one of the few lucky ones.
Over our anniversary we went on a road trip from LA to San Francisco. It was so BEAUTIFUL! We spent a few days in wonderful Monterey, drove up the 1 along the pacific coast a drive that very should do once in their life. We went Whale Watching, a little dancing dined over the bay it was so romantic and beautiful so grateful we have had this opportunity. Thank you Ben, I LOVE YOU!

Dear World.

Dear World, 

We all have important roles in our families, at times our roles change. Today I want to talk about the role my brother Brue has played in my life, the role of example. 

When we were younger I compared my little brother to *Nephi a lot. Michael and I were more like Laman and Lamuels, complaining and fighting all the time, but Brue he was our Nephi. 

Brue had a lot to endure as a young boy first he had to put up with Michael and I, second he had many health problems, he had a brain tumor and had to have brain surgery, he has a bone disease which makes his joints square not rounded so he walks and is in pain, he is deaf in one ear and without his glasses he can't see. I don't tell you these things to tell you he is weak, because in spite of all these things he is so strong! 

Growing up my brother had so much faith. He believed in God and in the Jesus Christ. His countenance showed that, his presence made you feel the Lord's love. Brue even though he was my baby brother has always been a man I looked up to. He was an example to me of standing up for the right and the truth. 

Recently he has come upon hard times. Trials that only the savior can comfort. He is still as strong as ever but he doesn't believe it. He feels so weak and so alone. I am heartbroken knowing that my baby brother has so much pain. That this once leader has become a lost sheep. I know that he can find his inner strength. I know he can find the light in all this darkness but I am asking that no matter your faith no matter your religion please pray, pray that he can believe in his ability to overcome the darkness, sorrow and pain. Pray that he will surround himself with those who truly love him, and that he will recognize those wolves in sheep clothing that are in his life only for their personal gain. Help him to know he is loved. 

I cannot share his trials at this time, they are his. But I can share that he needs all the strength the world can send him. I love him and believe in him and his ability to overcome. I love the Lord. I know that with him all things are possible. Thank you for your prayers, love and the good that you are. We are all God's children and I am so grateful that we have a merciful loving Heavenly Father, who wants all of us to find happiness. God bless.

With love and prayers. 
-Felicity 

* For those of you unfamiliar with the Book of Mormon Nephi is a hero. Nephi was very obedient to his father Lehi who prophesied that Jerusalem would be destroyed by the armies of babylon and commanded his family to flee into the wilderness. Lehi asked his sons to Laman Lamuel Nephi and Sam to return to the city and retrieve the Brass plates which were a record kept by the Jews. The record contained laws, lineage and history. The plates were held by an evil powerful man Laban. After 2 attempts by his brothers Nephi was able to receive the plates and return to his father. Nephi also helped bring his people (the Nephites) to the promised land... which we now know as the America's. Nephi endured many hardships and trials but was a strong man because of those things and his faith in God. 

If you are interested in knowing more about Nephi and other Book of Mormon hero's click on the link or leave a comment and I will get you a book of mormon and somebody to teach you the wonderful stories and faith of people who lived amazing lives.  Book of Mormon

Tigga and the joyride.

As many of you know our Jeep has been a headache. We have spent over $7,000 to get it running and now we need to sale it for another car so Ben can commute back and forth to school at the U and it not cost us our first born ;). 

The jeep has been sitting in front of our house for sale for a few days. Yesterday a woman came to Ben and asked him if she could take it for a test drive. Ben excited to have someone interested and being very trusting, gave the woman the keys and said "Yeah, just take it around the block." 

The woman was on her way. I was inside on the phone when she pulled away. I finished my phone call (about 20 minutes) and asked Ben who the lady was and if he knew how long she was going to be. He said she should be back any minute and he didn't get the womans name. I started to get worried and began the 20 questions. After about 45 minutes and pouring rain I was really conserned something happened to the woman so I took the car and went looking for any sign of the woman or our Jeep. I drove around for about 30 minutes, the car had been gone now for about an hour and fifteen minutes. I went back to the house and Ben told me he had called the cops. I decided that maybe the woman needed to do shopping or something so I drove to Walmart and around Tooele looking, When I got back I was sure, and so was Ben that our Jeep had been stolen. 

The officer told us if she calls you don't answer if she comes back to call them immediatly because she was at this point going to be arrested for joyriding. At about 10:00 ( she started her "test drive" at 6:30) she text. 

"I had to go to Salt Lake. My mom is in the hospital I am bringing her back now, but I'm afraid to drive back.This is the girl who test drove your Jeep.-Tigga " 

Ben called the officer and gave him her number. The officer had her take the Jeep straight to the police station. Where Ben met him and searched the car for any missing things or damage. 

Everything on the Jeep was fine, except that the registration was missing. The officer asked "Tigga" if she took the registration, she replied... 

"I didn't take that, I don't do that shit." 

WHAT!? You will commit Grand Theft, but you would NEVER steal something like a registration. 

We went home (now 11:30) and got settled when the officer called Ben and told him that "Tigga" had admitted the truth. 

She stole the Jeep to go drinking with some buddies in Salt Lake. She is not from Grantsville she was visiting some friends. She was arrested and being charged with joyriding and petty theft for now. The DA may want to charge her with more. She told the oficer she had no intention of returning the Jeep, but her brother told her that if she didn't return the Jeep we may call the police and she could go to jail. 

We are saling our jeep for $4,500. I would imagine all of her fines will be equal too or higher then the cost of the Jeep. I think thats ironic. 

I'm happy it was returned safely. The GPD did a great job! 

Lessons learned

-Don't trust someone by the name of Tigga

-Ride with interested buyers on test drives

-When you think your car was stole... It probably was. 

BLAH BLAH BLOG!

I have gotten so lazy on my blog!! I love blogging but its so easy to forget to do it. I don't scrapbook, barely keep a picture album with minimal journalling so my plan was to blog, give some sort of written record. Oh well. I guess if i just keep trying. 

New things

*We got a second dog... Ollie :) 

*Have done a lot of home improvement 

*Got callings 

(12-13 yr old sunday school teachers)

*Spent the 4th of July in Anaheim

*Brynn had her first baby

* Whitney is pregnant! (yay!) 

 (these two things are super exciting, Brynn wasn't sure she would be able to have kids, it wasn't easy and Rafeal has spent many weeks in the NICU... coming home tuesday, Brynn has been such a great Mommy already! Whitney is my best friend and will be an AMAZING mother I'm so excited for her!) 

*I've lost 12 lbs since my last blog. 

* I left ATW

*I'm back in school full time (and working full time, hence leaving ATW) 

So theres a quick recap. 

Going to go back to watching the HOME RUN DERBY... Let's Go Cano! 

Hopefully some exciting things to be blogged soon!(Like me passing my classes ;) )  

-Felicity

Homeowners

We bought a home! I'm very excited about this. I will be making a completely separate blog for our home, its an older home and needs a little TLC so we will be doing a little bit of a DIY blog! I'm super excited about it. We begun painting and are having Easter there this weekend it should be a lot of fun!